You sit down. You get comfortable. Maybe you put on a nice guided meditation.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Relax your body…

And approximately eleven seconds later:

Did I feed the dog?

I really need to clean out that cabinet.

Why did she say that weird thing to me in 1997?

What am I making for dinner?

Is that an itch on my nose?

Oh, right. Breathing.

Welcome to meditation.

If you’ve tried meditating and decided you’re terrible at it because your mind won’t shut up, you have plenty of company.

And if you have ADHD? Some of the monkeys in your brain may have banjos.

The good news is that a wandering mind doesn’t mean you can’t meditate. In fact, noticing that your mind wandered and bringing your attention back is part of the practice.

1. Your Brain Is Supposed to Think

One of the biggest misconceptions about meditation is that you’re supposed to empty your mind.

Good luck with that.

Brains think. That’s rather their thing.

During meditation, you may focus on your breathing, the voice of a guide, a mantra, sensations in your body, or something else. Eventually your attention will wander.

The practice isn’t never wandering.

It’s:

Notice. Return. Repeat.

You may do that fifty times during one meditation.

You still meditated.

2. Sitting Still Can Feel Awful

Some people find sitting quietly peaceful.

Others discover that approximately thirty seconds of inactivity makes them want to crawl out of their skin.

Restlessness doesn’t mean meditation isn’t for you.

Try a shorter meditation. Change positions. Lie down. Walk. Use a guided meditation. Focus on music. Try tapping or another repetitive movement.

There isn’t a prize for sitting perfectly still on a cushion.

3. Five Minutes Can Feel Longer Than an Hour on Your Phone

This one makes absolutely no sense, and yet here we are.

A 15-minute meditation can sound like an enormous commitment while an hour playing a game or scrolling through social media somehow disappears without requiring congressional approval.

For an ADHD brain especially, something stimulating provides immediate feedback and novelty. Sitting quietly…not so much.

So don’t start with 20 minutes because somebody on the internet says that’s how long you’re “supposed” to meditate.

Start with three minutes.

Hell, start with one.

Making meditation easy enough that you’ll actually do it is far more useful than creating an impressive meditation routine that you avoid.

4. Sometimes Getting Quiet Makes You Feel MORE

We’re surrounded by ways to distract ourselves.

Phones. Television. Work. Games. Food. Other people’s problems. Our own endless lists of things that need doing.

Then we sit quietly and suddenly there’s nowhere for our feelings to hide.

Grief may show up.

Anger.

Fear.

Anxiety.

Old memories.

That doesn’t necessarily mean meditation is causing the problem. Sometimes you’ve simply stopped distracting yourself long enough to notice what’s already there.

You also don’t have to force yourself through an experience that feels overwhelming. Open your eyes. Get up. Ground yourself. Try again another day, try a different kind of meditation, or get appropriate support if being still consistently brings up more than you can comfortably handle.

Meditation is supposed to support you—not become another endurance test.

5. We Turn Meditation Into Another Damn Thing to Be Good At

This may be my favorite trap.

We take something intended to help us become more present and compassionate with ourselves…and immediately develop performance standards.

I didn’t concentrate.

I only lasted four minutes.

I kept thinking.

I got distracted.

I missed yesterday.

I’m bad at this.

Congratulations. We’ve managed to turn sitting quietly into another opportunity to judge ourselves.

What if success isn’t having the perfect meditation?

What if success is simply showing up?

Make Meditation Fit Your Actual Life

You don’t need incense.

You don’t need a special cushion.

You don’t need 30 uninterrupted minutes every morning.

You don’t need to stop thinking.

And you definitely don’t need to become a serene person who speaks softly and never says fuck.

You can use a three-minute guided meditation while sitting in your car.

You can breathe intentionally for sixty seconds before dealing with something stressful.

You can do a walking meditation.

You can listen to a meditation in bed.

You can meditate badly.

Because the point isn’t to become good at meditating.

The point is what practicing meditation can help you become better at outside of meditation:

Noticing what you’re feeling.

Recognizing when your thoughts are running away with you.

Creating a little space before you react.

Returning your attention to where you actually are.

Meeting yourself—and your life—with a little more intention and a little less panic.

So if you’ve tried meditation and thought, I can’t do this, maybe you don’t need to try harder.

Maybe you just need to make meditation work for your brain.

Banjo-playing monkeys and all.